Lancre Nights
by duchess-susan
Summary: Vlad returns to Agnes. Rated with extreme caution, probably only K
1. Chapter 1

Lancre Nights

**My first fanfic so be gentle! Part of my crusade to increase the number of Agnes and Vlad fanfics out there, because hardly anyone writes about them****.**** Please read and review. **

**Disclaimer: Discworld and all its characters and locations belong to Terry Pratchett, not me. **

The Lancre night closed in on Agnes Nitt's cottage. It found her sitting alone with an odd look on her face. She had been thinking. Thinking can be a rather dangerous activity at the best of times, especially if someone comments on every little thought you have. Since Oats had left for Uberwald she had been doing a lot of thinking. So had Perdita. Perdita had been pleased that Oats had disappeared. She hadn't wanted to be stuck with a drippy priest. She was still annoyed that Agnes had abandoned Vlad._ Vampires aren't necessarily bad people _she insisted _and not even that ragged priest was interested in you. _Agnes sighed. Fighting with yourself certainly had the edge over fighting someone else because you knew _everything_ about your opponent. And everything included all the little thoughts and desires you would rather forget, or at least keep your opponent ignorant of.

The truth was that she hadn't felt quite like herself since Vlad had bitten her in Escrow. Since then he had sprung up in her thoughts more and more, much to Perdita's delight. In her darker moments she wondered if perhaps the bite had been more effective than she had given it credit for.

Something else was closing in on Agnes Nitt's cottage. She wasn't the only one who couldn't forget the events of the Magpyr's invasion.

A few minutes later she was made aware of this fact. Faster than the speed of rumour a figure appeared in front of her.

'Hello again Agnes. It's been longer than I had hoped for. But at last we meet again.'

Agnes fought disbelief and Perdita to make room for her own thoughts. The dominant one seemed to consist of the words Oh Gods. Repeatedly. Nevertheless she rose to her feet and began to back away slowly from Vlad.

'I thought you couldn't enter where you weren't invited?', she managed.

'We have been through this before.' He smiled. 'Anyway how have you been since you left Don'tgonearthe Castle? Where's the priest?'

Perdita was thrilled by that last sentence and it's tone of thinly veiled envy. Someone had actually been _jealous _of the possibility that Agnes could have a relationship with someone else. It was a minor miracle. Especially considering that Vlad was handsome and charming, and therefore in accordance with the known rules of the universe should not be bothering with Agnes.

'Uberwald. Hasn't he tried to convert you yet?' She was still backing away slowly. The problem was that she was running out of room to back into. Very soon she was going to meet the wall, which would _probably _not yield to her. Worse than this was the knowledge that running was pointless and there were no conveniently pointy pieces of wood nearby. She wondered briefly what Granny would do in this situation, until she realised that Granny would never get into this situation in the first place, for a variety of reasons, of which only one was her skill in headology. 

Vlad smiled. He had a smile that could honestly be called devastating. 'Now why on the Disc would he choose religion over you? I can't imagine that Om could compete. Look at me, I'm risking the wrath of Weatherwax just to see you, and we all know what her family do to vampires.' He sighed. 'Agnes, you still don't seem to realise that vampires are not all that they are rumoured to be. They are considerably more.'

Yeah, she thought sarcastically, they're persistent too. She stepped backwards once more, then felt the alarming solidity of the wall. Panic gripped her, quickly overwhelming common sense, then giving it a slap for good measure. Perdita contributed a series of suggestive and unhelpful comments on how truly excellent Vlad looked, the good fortune Agnes had that he was attracted to her of all people, and how fun eternity could be in the right circumstances. Agnes just took a deep breath and...

Found a hand clamped gently but firmly over her mouth. Vlad was still smiling, giving the impression of laughing at a private joke.

'There really is no one else like you. However I would rather not experience one of your frankly phenomenal screams again. They are rather unpleasant. Honestly, you should be pleased to see me. I'm saving you from a life spent in the service of the ignorant farmers indigenous to Lancre. You are young. Surely you want more for yourself than that? Why else did you go to Ankh-Morpork? You could be so powerful. Just come back to Uberwald with me. Surely immortality is an attractive prospect? I know you fear death. All humans do, even Mistress Weatherwax. I could liberate you from that.'

He removed his hand from her mouth, only to take her hand in a way that had Perdita screaming _give in you fat lump this is your one chance at happiness-TAKE IT._

Agnes felt that she really did have few options left. She could give in, go with Vlad, become a vampire and prowl Don'tgonearthe Castle for eternity. She could fight, but she would definitely lose and then the Gods knew what might happen. Or she could keep him talking. This seemed the most appealing choice, by a narrow but significant margin.

'What happened to the rest of the Magpyr's?' Uninspired, she thought, but should do the job.

'Ah. Well Mother is still missing. Father has retired to his coffin on for a few centuries contemplation. Uncle thinks he is just a bit depressed by his failure. Lacci left a few days ago. She went deeper into Uberwald, where the torture chambers are more advanced and less civilised. I doubt she will return. So you see it is just me and the old Count. A much better arrangement, I'm sure you will agree. No more grand ideas. Now stop playing for time. Come with me.'

Oh _damn_.

He led her outside. She didn't have much of a choice. Vampires hadn't lost their strength, y or not. He stared upwards, into the blinking stars of the rest of the multiverse, then looked at her.

'I've said it before and I'll say it again. Whatever you want. Forever.'

Agnes closed her eyes. For all that she resisted the vampire she longed for all his promises to become truth. But she could not bear the price they demanded. She would have to become a bloodsucking, parasitic and feared creature. She would have to harm other people, when she had spent the last few years healing them. She would have to exert power over them. Like the Count had. All these thoughts took seconds to fly through her head. For once Perdita kept silent.

Before she could get any further in her moral debate he kissed her. Agnes had never been kissed before, but even she realised that Vlad was good. She blushed as she thought this, but Perdita quickly interrupted with _there is no shame in the truth. _After that she stopped thinking for a while and just belonged to the moment.And then he pulled away from her, and she opened her eyes to see the moonlight illuminating the figure before her. She found she was holding her breath without quite knowing why.

He spoke. 'Uberwald awaits us. Don't say that you'll stay here. Not after that.' He held out a hand, as he had done once before. She took it.

***

This time his smile seemed so simple an expression of genuine happiness it began to light the night up, becoming a second moon.

'Should we drift over the gorge again? You have no idea how I cherished that time.'

'Then Escrow happened.' Her words were laced with a remembered horror.

He shook his head, fiercely. 'Never again. Father was right. We can learn. What happened in Escrow...was regrettable. It will never be repeated.' His smile returned. 'That's the past. We should be thinking of the future. Our future Agnes. Beginnings are such good times.'

'It depends.'

The gorge was below them now. The river thundered below. Last time-why did it seem so long ago when only three months had passed? _Because without him life was so boring _whispered Perdita._ And now we can really live._

Agnes began to think, with the frantic speed commonly found in students writing papers at 5 AM. The choice she made under the influence of Perdita was going to lead to immortality, like it or not. Eternity is only a good idea when you're not face to face with it. Up close it is uglier than sin. Now...

'Now you're mine. It was always your choice-you made it, so don't pretend it isn't what you want. At least in part.' He whispered in her ear, aware that he was far closer to her than anyone else had ever been. Agnes couldn't complain though-if he let go she would fall victim to gravity.

Still floating peacefully in the moonlight his mouth descended on her neck, kissing it gently, caressing it, before biting.


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay so Chapter 2 has arrived. This isn't as good as the first installment, but its something. Please read and review. **

Agnes woke in a four-poster with deep purple hangings (had coffins gone out of fashion?), in a room where the curtains were thrown back to let in the moonlight. The first thing she was aware of was a terrible dark lust that she had only ever experienced momentarily before. This time it wasn't so fleeting. The second thing she noticed was two small puncture wounds on her neck.

_At least you've signed up to a guaranteed weight-loss scheme._

Agnes was vaguely disappointed. Apparently vampirism hadn't vanquished Perdita. Some things never change. Anyway, it wasn't like she could use mirrors to admire her transformation. The one time she might have actually wanted to see her reflection was rather cruelly the point at which she no longer possessed one. _Damn._

Gingerly she probed her elongated canines. Vampirism would soon dispel any tendency to bite your lip.

The trouble was that her mind struggled to focus on anything other than the dark, animalistic bloodlust that now pulsed in her veins. She was still human, if in upbringing rather than actual species and still possessed human morals. She was _not _going to turn into some stupid bloodsucking murderess. Not unless the person she killed was Vlad. How could she have let this happen? Okay, so witching was hard, irritating and often boring work, but when had a witch ever let her head be turned by an exotic change of scene?

_You're not a witch anymore. You're a vampire._

Regret wasn't going to solve this problem, but then she wasn't entirely sure that she regretted anything that much. After all she was fairly confident that against all odds she had actually secured herself a lover.

'You might have.'

Vlad emerged from the doorway. Gothic architure is unusually good at casting shadows to hid in and vampires were naturally gifted in that area anyway.

'We're at Don'tgonearthe Castle aren't we?' Her tone was accustory.

'Where else? I thought you wouldn't appreciate waking up in Lancre. I can't imagine Mistress Weatherwax will be understanding.'

He was right about that, she thought glumly. Granny had never done anything spontaneous in her entire and lengthy life.

Vlad seemed expectant, although Agnes had no idea what he was waiting for and was in no mood to be polite about it. She was becoming increasingly aware of her new life. She wasn't sure it was all that she had hoped for.

'What?'

'Well, normally the first thing a new vampire does is ask where the nearest villiage is. We are created hungry.'

'It's called willpower.'

'You sound like Lady Margolotta.'

'Is she another vampire?' Despite herself Agnes was intrigued. From her experience of the vampire population she had gathered they were all slaves to their thirst.

'Yes, a revolutionary one apparently. I don't expect you have heard of the Temperance Movement. She believes vampires can survive on animal blood, in order to integrate into society.'

'And you still believe that society should surrender?'

'No. I keep telling you, things are different now. Better now.'

'Not that different. Lady Margolotta sounds like a sensible woman. No sane person would put up with becoming prey, so vampires will just have to change or fade away into nightmares.'

Vlad rolled his eyes.

'You can take the witch out of Lancre but you can't take the Lancre out of the witch. Lady Margolotta is probably right, but it changes little. We will still be vampires, people will still refuse to accept us unless we force them to.'

Agnes sensed that this was a subject that induced melancholy in Vlad, and she could understand why. He had been born a vampire, but that still didn't excuse subsequent behaviour.

'So what are you going to do? Because I am not going to hurt anyone, and I'm not staying here if you reject an alternative to preying on people.'

Vlad attempted to look hurt, but he was smiling faintly.

'I knew you'd say that. You haven't even asked if I've already changed.'

'Have you?'

'Yes. I knew that you would never stay if I didn't and you're too interesting to lose. I'm sure that we will make eternity fascinating for each other.'

Agnes understood what Vlad was very carefully not saying. Whilst she was extremely new to this way of life she could sense, instinctively the weight of the future bearing down on her. For all that mortals fear death an eternal life is truly terrifying. Her mind was drawn to the centuries she would live, with nothing but the odd stake to eleviate all the years. To spend them alone would be the only thing able to magnify the horror of it all. Vlad had had centuries with that sense and had no doubt learnt to deal with it, and focused on enjoying himself as much as possible, and in finding a companion capable of keeping his interest.

She didn't blame him. Perdita thought it was all extremely romantic. Agnes thought said romance was varnished with sadness. Perdita's rebuttal was that Agnes could not recognise her own good fortune.

A thought occurred that was equally attractive to both Perdita and Agnes.

'Can I fly?'

Vlad laughed.

'Does it really matter that much? Of course you can.'

Agnes smiled. Actual flight, without broomsticks or magic was something she, like many others had dreamed of. One of the religious hermits had apparently annouced that people dream of flying because they have angelic memories of a time when they were free of sin and were winged and haloed. Agnes just thought that flight meant freedom and everyone wanted to own the skies they were forced to leave untouched.

'Would you like to see the castle? I believe the last time you were here there was little time to explore.' Vlad turned and left the room, calling out, 'the rose garden is particularly beautiful by moonlight.'

Agnes followed. Like all witches she knew a cliché when she saw one and rose gardens were _extremely _clichéd. Perdita was enthralled.

The rose garden was beautiful. The roses were predominantly red, but the night made them seem black and the air was richly perfumed with their scent. Moonlight embellished every small detail, not gilding but silvering the scene. White gravel paths shone brilliantly, a defiance against the dark night. A slight breeze stirred the flowers and Agnes's hair.

'You see? Uberwald might be a dark country but the dark hides many enchantments.' Vlad always seemed to smile in her presence. 'Doesn't all this confirm your decision?' He was right in front of her now, leaning down slightly to whisper in her ear, 'You belong here, with me. Beginnings _are _good times. Our future stretches out before us. The whole world is yours. Whatever you want. Forever. So what do you desire?' He spoke so quietly she had to strain to hear him.

Agnes was speechless, mainly because she had very little experience of men, especially handsome vampires, behaving in a seductive manner towards her. Perdita could see a golden opportunity to steer their life, and took it while Agnes was lost in the confusion.

_You'll thank me later. I'm doing this for our own good, _she told Agnes_. _Then she managed to make her say the words, 'You, Vlad. All I desire of life is to spend it with you.'

Agnes blushed, not just at the boldness of the statement but at it's shameless unoriginality. It was just like Perdita to pride herself on a vivid imagination she did not actually possess. She wondered if perhaps she was radiating crimson light, the embarrassment was so intense. She resolved to destroy Perdita, even if that entailed losing her sanity.

_I would have lost it for you if you hadn't replied to him. You can't do better-no one could, and frankly he could hardly do worse. You have to take chances like this before anyone has time to change their mind. Life looks more exciting now anyway._

Vlad grinned, 'I see we have a mutual wish. What a happy coincedence. I would be honoured to spend eternity in your presence, dear Agnes.'

With a flourish he presented her with a single red rose.

Oh dear, thought Agnes, another cliché.


	3. Chapter 3

Agnes awoke again in the four-poster, this time with another occupant beside her. This was not an Agnes-like thing to happen. Memories of the previous 24-hours assailed her. She groaned as she realised just how out of control her life had become. A red rose lay abandoned on the stone floor. Perdita was chattering unconcernedly about how, finally, being with Agnes was starting to have benefits.

Agnes ignored her and began to dress, in the bejewelled black of the stylish rather than the respectable black of witching. Right now she wanted to be back in Lancre, starting a new day, ready to make the tea for two ungrateful old women. She did not want to have woken up in an unfamiliar castle, having very recently metamorphosed into a vampire and apparently dealing with that by allowing herself to be seduced by a more senior vampire.

_Remind me to make you grateful for saving you from the craft, Agnes Nitt. _

Agnes was seriously contemplating specific suicide-if she could just kill Perdita things would be infinitely better.

When she turned back to where Vlad had lay he was standing, fully clothed, watching her carefully. His waistcoat had phoenixes embroidered on it. Agnes still wasn't used to the speed with which vampires moved, despite being one.

'Is something wrong?'

Agnes couldn't quite bring herself to say it but she thought: Witching won't let me go. It isn't a job. It's what you _are. _Only I'm a vampire now, admittedly not a power crazed murderess, but I doubt that helps much. I can't stop thinking of Lancre, even though I wanted to leave. THIS IS ALL PERDITA'S FAULT.

_Thanks for giving me the credit._

Vlad sighed.

'I'm guessing the lack of answer is a yes by proxy? If it's about last night, it's nothing to be ashamed of, or feel guilty about. It's your life; you don't have to make decisions that please the world, although you did please me, and yourself-don't lie. And if it's Lancre doesn't need you. There are other witches. There always are. You spend a life serving people and none of them cares enough to mourn you, they just replace you and forget.'

_He's right._

'You don't know that.' Agnes couldn't be sure whether she was addressing Vlad or Perdita or both. Anger, indignation and embarrassment were using her mind as a battlefield, but the indignation merged with the anger so that embarrassment was for once, overpowered.

'If it will make you happy perhaps a return to Lancre wouldn't be so bad.'

'What-with you?'

'Who else?'

Agnes couldn't argue. After all it would be nice to have someone else to draw Granny Weatherwax's fire, and Vlad, when all was said and done, had been kind to her, in his own way, as well as being charming and quite genuinely attracted to her. Agnes thought his main problem was a lack of understanding of people. Perdita thought Agnes was the one with the problems.

'Fine. We'll return to Lancre.'

_At least we can gloat. Magrat only managed to marry a King. We've done much better._


	4. Chapter 4

They had arrived in Lancre. In fact, Agnes and Vlad were engaged in polite conversation with Verence and Magrat, both of whom, typical to their natures, were being understanding and reasonable about the situation. It was driving Perdita mad.

'So you're saying that you are harmless vampires?' Verence wanted to be very clear on this point, after the last time.

'Yes.' Vlad was louging beside her, as always looking completely at home in any place. He kept glancing her, with slight concern, as though he thought that she might at any moment dissolve into tears at the wariness of her old companions. He had been extremely solictious since they had decided to go to Lancre. She found that, while it was slightly hurtful that they no longer trusted her quite as much as before, it wasn't something she was going to cry for. Tears were rather pointless and Perdita would never let her forget it.

Shawn Ogg had heralded their arrival. He hadn't made any comment on Agnes new appearance, just mentioned that Nanny would be pleased to see her again. Apparently, whilst her disappearence had been noticed, everyone had assumed that she could cope. They always assumed that.

'And you're going to see Granny and tell her that?' Magrat seemed nervous on Agne's behalf. After the initial explanition of the new modern vampirism Magrat had been relatively friendly.

'I don't really see I can do much else.' Agnes had the nagging feeling that sooner or later she would have to talk to Granny and would rather make it sooner-she couldn't live with the vague sense of impending doom.

'Good luck.' Verence said it without thinking.

'Thank you. I'm sure we'll need it.' Vlad smiled toothily. On a vampire smiles can be truly devestating.

They left Lancre Castle and headed to Granny Weatherwax's cottage.

***

As they walked through the woods Vlad looked at Agnes. She was staring straight ahead in a manner that suggested acute determination to see this through to the finish. He was slightly worried that perhaps this trip would trigger her taking a new and depressive look at her life. He didn't want her to see eternity through in a deep melancholy. He had changed a lot since he had first left Uberwald-he actually cared about somebody else, for one thing.

***

When Vlad and Agnes arrived both Granny and Nanny were there. Agnes was glad. Nanny was guarranteed to be more sympathic, due a mind broad enough to encompass the entire disc.

The four of them stood awkardly in the kitchen.

'So that's where you went. Didn't think to leave a note. We've been having to cope without you. Do you realise how few witches there are now?' Granny Weatherwax broke the silence.

Nanny tried to come to Agnes defence, 'You don't know what it's like Esme. In these kind of situations you just don't leave notes. You're thinking of other things.'

Agnes looked at them. To them she realised, she was no different to how she was last month.

'So you aren't that worried that I'm a vampire?' She couldn't quite believe it.

'Why should I? That's your business and I doubt you'll hurt any one, Agnes Nitt. Just so long as you keep him in check,' a sharp nod at Vlad, 'you're welcome here. I remember old Queen Grimner. You wouldn't be the first vampires to survive on steak. Your cottage is as you left it.' Granny actually _winked. _'I knew you could do better than a priest.'

_They just need someone to make the tea._ That's not so bad. _Yes it is. _Well at least life won't be boring. _Just don't annoy Weatherwax or you'll end up with a garlic stake. _That was an awful joke. _Who's joking?_

'What do you think? Don'tgonearthe is drafty. How about my cottage?' Agnes had to ask.

Vlad rolled his eyes, then smiled.

'I think maybe I could manage a few decades in Lancre. For you.'

Agnes smiled and slipped her hand into his.

'You knew I was a witch before you took my pulse.'

'I suppose I did.'

Granny and Nanny exchanged glances, or in Nanny's case leers.

***

The cottage was apparently absurdly small. Vlad had resolved to petition Verence for a small portion Lancre Castle, a suggestion doomed to failure in Agnes opinion.

'You'll get used to it.' She reassured him.

'I have never lived in anything but a castle in my entire existence. That's 301 years of castle-dwelling.'

'Then it's about time you tried something else isn't it?'

'Perhaps. As I've already agreed to stay here for a while I guess I'm stuck with it. There's cobwebs in here Igor would be proud of.'

'Sorry about that. Housework was never that important, not when there was witching to be done. Since you won't have much to do in Lancre perhaps you should take on the housework?'

'I don't think so somehow Agnes darling. Anyway Verence has asked for my assistance as an advisor. He believes I've seen a lot of change in my life. He keeps saying there is no substitute for experience.'

Agnes looked at the handsome figure leaning on the wall across from her. He seemed grudgingly content with life in Lancre. Perhaps this time the happy ending really was for her. Forever.

'Aren't you glad I returned for you?' Vlad was gazing back at her now.

'Immensely.' She meant it too.

'You don't know how glad I am to hear that.' His voice was a seductive whisper in the silence of the cottage.

Narrative causality demanded a very specific answer.

For the first time she used vampiric speed, to cross the room to him.

'I love you.' She said the words so quietly as to force them to the cusp of hearing.

He took her in his arms, kissing the two puncture wounds on her neck gently before placing his mouth near enough to her ear that his lips brushed it.

'I love you too.'


End file.
